Deconstructing My Procrastination

I am working with God to deconstruct my procrastination tendency, or dependence.   

This is something of which I have become more and more aware in my life.  I also see now, in my personal experience, in the past was triggered by fear, and became a paralyzing crutch that I used to support that fear, when I "lived according to the course of this world" (Ephesians 2:2).

But, God Who is rich in mercy, and love for me (Ephesians 2:4) called me to be obedient and not fashion myself according to my former way of living in ignorance (1 Peter 1:14) (1 Peter 2:10).

I began looking at the details of the course of my life decisions, were they my choice, were they out of my control, and where did they lead me?

I saw many were my choice, and even for those out of my control, I had a choice in how I responded to them.

The Days Scripture focus:

1 Peter 2:9

But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of Him who hath called you out of darkness into His marvelous light.

Question Challenge:  When, or by what circumstance have I paused in my calling to "shew for the praises of Him…coming out of darkness into His marvelous light", whether  taken aback by my choice outside of God's commandments or a circumstance not of my choice (or control)?

1. Childhood abuse and dysfunctional home life.  Not my choice, but I did have the choice in how I lived my life, by trusting God to make something out of me, despite (Psalm 147:3, Matthew 11:28, Psalm 34:18, Isaiah 61:3, Isaiah 41:10))

2. Dating relationships outside of God' design:  some were not necessarily serving God - I didn't know one way or the other, honestly, I did not talk with God before dating them, nor did I ask them.  My choice, living by the way of the world in ignorance, and not seeking God first (Proverbs 3:1).

3. Marriage outside of God's design:  "unequally yoked" because I did not seek God first, nor talk to the person specifically about Jesus and if He was the center of his life (2 Corinthians 6:14).  My choice, not seeking God first (Proverbs 3:5-6). 

4. Back issues, going out the first time - first back surgery early 2000's - not my choice.  However, I was not living intentionally. I was not intentional with God's covenant of protection (Psalms 91), nor intentional in daily choices (Proverbs 3:5-8).

5. Not intentionally surrounding myself with friends in my life that also had Jesus in their hearts (Romans 10:9) and were choosing His ways for their life (Proverbs 27:17).  My choice.

6. Financial struggles.  I was not wise with all that God provided for me (Luke 14:28-30).  My choice.     (Proverbs 21:5, Proverbs 21:20, Luke 16:10, 1 Peter 4:10, Proverbs 3:9-10)

Hope:  What is my Recourse?  What is my Gratefulness?

I now have mercy (1 Peter 2:10), and am forgiven and can walk in the way God designed for me.

God provides for me (Matthew 6:31-33, Philippians 4:19) and fights my battles for me (Exodus 14:14) so that I do not have to hide from problems or make choices out of fear and/or panic, because I am given a spirit of power, love, a sound, disciplined mind, not one of fear (2 Timothy 1:7).

In correcting the things in my control, abstain from fleshly lusts (1Peter 2:11), be an honest person (1 Peter 2:12), and those not in my control, even with those that speak evil against me, so they will see God in me and glorify Him.  Lay aside all malice, guile, hypocrisy, envy, and evil talk (1 Peter 2:1), I make a way for God to be present and active in my life - and when He is present - that is the GAME CHANGER!

Gratefulness:

As I get closer to God, remaining in continual communication and contact with Him (1 Thessalonians 5:17), always reconciling myself to Him (Proverbs 3:1), stamping His commandments on my heart (Deuteronomy 6:6-9), seeking His direction for my life (Jeremiah 29:13, Jeremiah 29:11), honoring Him with all that I have which include tithing (Proverbs 3:9) and making choices based on His guidance (Proverbs 3:5-6), He fights my battles so that I can be still before Him, in peace (Exodus 14:14, and I will always be on top, leading (Deuteronomy 28:13) and prospering in all that I do (Psalm 1:3). 

As I incorporate God in my life progressively, I see a correlation in my life improving progressively - HIS WORD IS TRUE AND IT DOES WHAT IT SAYS IT WILL DO.

💝My back is progressively stronger and the numbness on my right leg down through my ankle progressively strengthened, healing - it has been about 15 years and no back surgeries, no pain medications. 

💝I told God in 2017 that I did not want to make the wrong choices in dating anymore.  I gave it to Him and asked Him to give me guidance and direction, because I would not make the wrong choices again - within a month of this, I met Bill - a strong hearted, humble, kind, generous and gentle man, full of integrity and hunger for more and more of Jesus.  My soulmate, my love, my friend, my finally home, my husband.

💝I am becoming more and more intentional with every decision, big and small.  I don't have excessive debt.  I have and am establishing healthy relationships, in the various chambers of my life. 

💝I am progressing in my career, as well as, accomplishing personal goals for myself outside of career.

💝I am witness to my prayers, for others as well as myself, being answered in unexplainable ways that can only be my Father hearing me, caring for me, answering me, honoring His word.

God is telling me:

I'm not having you go through this exercise to shame you, but to remind you, that in this storm, this time of struggle, I just want you to remember that My Word is true, and I will do what I say I will do - keep reminding yourself of My Word to you - run to me with My words on your tongue, My promises in your hand, trust-fall into the depths of Me and hold to your faith, anchor yourself to Me.